What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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