I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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