I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
