Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
