my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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