the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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