her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i've created a new STD.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This is classic penis vs brain.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
