my mouth tastes like poor choices
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
