it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
