Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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