did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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