i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
