last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
