I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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