WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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