I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
