my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
