no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
