her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
