I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
