wat bout pragnant strippers??
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
