did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
