I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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