I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
