I wanna passion pit in your ass
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
