you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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