you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
