So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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