Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
