Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
