Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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