hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
