We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
