im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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