Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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