I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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