he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
