Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
