So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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