she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
