you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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