I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
