i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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