it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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