i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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