I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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