I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
