No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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