after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
