I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
