How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
