final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
How naked do you want me to be?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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