cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
