oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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