It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
